Optimism Overload

Today I came to a conclusion that i may be viewed as one of those people that can be overly optimistic, I'm not sunny and bubbly my any means as far as demeanor goes, but I'm one of those people that looks at situations from all angles, a good deal of the time.

When people complain to me or just want to vent, I find it uncontrollably hard to not point out a greener pasture. After the fact, I then realize they just needed to let off steam and wanted to just complain. And while I agree that complaining can be cathartic, I don't know what posses me to blurt out positive alternatives or even remedies. I guess I'm a fix it kinda gal, Or In my mind there is always a creative solution to every problem.

Having some rough times in my life has left me with one thing, the memory or knowledge how bad it can really be, how much worse It could have been, or how there is always something to be grateful for no matter what the circumstance.
Sure you could be having "one of those days" but if you chose to pick out something positive in your life to be grateful for then it puts everything else into perspective, and seems rather small in the grand scheme of life and hardships.

I realized I am this annoying reminder of a being thankful too much today.
I had a co worker at my desk, telling me how crappy things are, and how full of bullshit life is filled with, and 2 times I realized I cut her off with reasons that I found for taking a second look.
on 2 separate occasions.

on a side note, I also do this with Ant as well, all the time!, and i truly think he despises me for being the voice of positivity, reason and remedy too often, when he just needs a shoulder.

1. about 2 weeks ago I almost lost my best friend in a car accident in FL, her car flipped over twice and she was trapped in until she wiggled out of her seat belt and through the back windows since her 2 front doors were caved in, as she smelled gas, in the middle of the night! NO matter what was going on, the very thought of my best friend coming close to death made everything else tiny. Kinda hard to tell me anything else at that point.

Today same Co Worker with same type of complaints... I'm sure it was well merited..

2. Ya it's a shitty world, but you know what I am counting my blessings and grateful, I almost lost one of my dogs yesterday.

Ant was taking them for a quick trip to take the trash out, and a workman had the front door to our loft building wide open and one of them went running right out the building to the corner unleashed on a busy city intersection. She is under 17 lbs, and people drive like 40 mph!
Someone or something was watching over her. the thought of how heart broken and devastated i could have been in one instance really makes you appreciate life, and everything else is cake!
I held her all night, kissing her little head with appreciation.

Most of us people in America are really lucky, and get way too wrapped up in everyday shit.
Don't wait till Thanksgiving to remember that. Counting your Blessings is not really a religious poke, It's true, if you recognize how good you got it, things AINT SO BAD, In fact they can put a little bounce in your step.

Exploring Erotisism

George Pitts


Earlier this year I had expressed a need to push my boundaries with my modeling, meaning, dive a little deeper into into the world of eroticism.

Looking back on 2009, I feel as though I have bravely gotten my foot in the door, while still being able to maintain my self respect. It was important to me to be able to create imagery that pushed past my usual fashion nudes and editorial work. This year I have done a bit of figure nudes, and a bit of fashion erotica that I might not have publicized as much as I do the softer more mainstream work, I guess parts of me are still or were still digesting it all. Actually it's the digestion process that I am enjoying the most.
The Whole getting to know my vagina thing has gotten easier,


Chip Willis


but it seems to be a slow paced relationship. Finding the line between art and porn is not an easy task, though I am aware it really is in the eyes of the beholders in the end, I somewhat made up my own criteria of what Art VS Porn is to my self.


Chip Willis





Jim Herrington



George Pitts



Simon R Gentry

With the help and trust of some extremely talented photographers, I am able to capture and tuck my journey into my own little time capsule, and for the people that have followed my work from the earlier years, It's almost like watching me grow up and out of my own safe comfort zone. Don't fret, I won't be felating anyone on film or getting it in the back door, that type of work falls way beyond my new found limitations.

Mind you I am on this exploration as a late bloomer, 38 Is rather late in the game, Or basically I'm just going out with a bang!


Aeric Meredith-Goujon


George Pitts

Seek

Back a way's earlier this year i wrote an entry about finding and meeting a biological brother .
That was back in June, This September I got to meet up with him again, and meet his girlfriend and he got to meet Ant.

We went up to Boston for Labor Day, and I knew in advanced that if I had the opportunity to meet up with him again, I was definitely shooting a portrait of him.

We went to the Revere Beach as our 1st stop, I needed to fill my Fried Clam craving from Kelly's Roast Beef.
and then we headed to Wonderland dog racing track, very depressing, but nostalgic.
I get a call from my brother, and he insists we stop by, he lives in the area.
so we go to his condo, He was in the middle of cosmetic improvements, and you could see that he was very involved in the design of what was being done. Which made me every now and again search for physical parts or personal traits of myself in him or what we might have in common.

We have a love of fashion and shopping and travel in common that is for sure.
His closet was ridiculous!



the next day we met all met for Sunday Brunch, great conversation, then i shot the portrait. So glad it came out well. It's a new feeling I have in relation to shooting a family member. I haven't yet taken my mothers current photo. but it's on the agenda.

We then took a walk and window shopped a little, and then parted ways.
I like that we had a casual and friendly meeting, Nothing heavy, no expectations.
And no matter what happens in the future i have this photo, worth so much more than a photo you see every day to me, this photo is a link to a feeling i have sought after for a very long time. It's a tangible thing that connects me to the other side.
That side being Family that I have wondered about my entire life.

The Best Fucking Caramel Chocolate Peanut Brittle dipped Apples Ever!

Before I begin this recipe, I would like to say, that the credit goes to my best friend Megan who taught me her method to match my annual craving of an early simple Carmel Apple, Since I don't see her as much as I use to in the fall i was forced to learn to dip on my own.
Thx Meg!

This recipe can make 6-8 large apples. and Probably 12 Small to medium apples.

Note I ONLY USE HONEY CRISP APPLES, If you chose to use a different apple, then it isn't THIS recipe, It's some other half assed dipped apple recipe.

Step 1. Wash and dry and remove your stems.



Step 2.
Soak your sticks in lemon juice for at least 15 Mins. This prevents any discoloring and browning, rotting of the apple once pierced and exposed to oxygen.
I use Wooden BBQ skewers, and just cut them down to about 6 inches.


Step 3.
Insert your sticks about half way through the middle of the apples.




I order and use caramel in 18 oz blocks, I don't use those little Kraft Squares. The quality and convenience is worth it. You can purchase it here



Step 4. get a non stick sauce pan and put a little half and half, about a 1/8 of a cup, keep your heat on low, and put the block in, while pushing it around the pan and evening out the block till it gets nice and creamy,




You may add a little more half and half if you need, or you see it getting too thick, but don't over do it. a 1/4 cup to an 18 oz block is more than enough.



I like to line a cookie sheet tray with a Silpat ( non stick silicone baking sheet) or waxed paper, I highly recomend silpat, it's re usable and nothing sticks to it.



Step 5.
Dip your apples quickly so that the caramel doesn't cool in the pan and you don't have to keep reheating it,
Twirl them around so that the caramel gets a good even coverage, use an up and down but careful motion to get the caramel to spread on even.

and place them on the lined cookie sheet and chill for about 30 mins to an hour.

While the apples are chilling, get your Peanut brittle and chocolate ready

I use one bag of peanut brittle, i put it in a food processor to chop it to a lumpy but fine grain consistency



put it in a bowl just a little wider and deeper than your apple size.

Melt your chocolate chips, I use toll house, i use to use a double boiler but i had too much trouble with keeping the temperature correct, so this year I added about 4 cups of chips in with 2 teaspoons of shorting in a glass pyrex or microwave safe bowl, and microwaved it for about 1-2 mins, stirring and keeping my eye on it every 30 seconds.

the next steps are going to need to be set up close to each other.



Step 6.
Dip and spatula on and off the chocolate till it's even, kinda like a cake.



then quickly dip and sprinkle till you get an even coat of peanut brittle, don't be rough or the chocolate will roll off into chunks, you can dip in the bowl, sit it in the bowl, spoon on more and pat lightly.





then place back on the silpat covered tray







Chill overnight or no less than 4 hours.

I highly recommend you not just bite into these apples. Cut them in half, and then slices for best tasting results.

Kink

I'm not sure if it was because I grew up under a sexually liberated mother who's profession for a spell was a sex worker, or that religion wasn't enforced upon me.
But I never developed any "Kinks". I don't really have 1st associations with sex that would be considered material or a base foundation for a kink.
I recall us moving when i was about 5 and in one of the packed boxes was a small book called THE JOY OF SEX. i flipped through it. and saw the various sexual positions.
My mother wasn't the type to prohibit her children from watching movies with adult content like nudity or profanity.

Later my sister and I would occasional come across my step fathers porn videos, that consisted of everything from she males to gay sex. whole other story..
I use to read a lot of mature erotic novels as a teen.

My point is Sex was never a Taboo, there was nothing to harbor or hide, so nothing out of the ordinary ever developed. When i was 15 I had a boyfriend and it started to get heated, i told my mother i wanted Birth control, she shot me down at first, but my sister already got pregnant 5 years earlier, so she finally took me. that's the kind of relationship we had. I always wanted to be honest with my mother.

Along the way i have at least become intrigued with other peoples kinks and fetishes, but not in the way of experiencing it, but more like my interests in serial killers and crime stories, I am more interested in the details of where it manifested itself, and how it became so, what fuels it and makes it tick.

Anywhoo...yesterday i realized that along the lines of Kink but not necessarily sexual release, i have found that aside from being a photography lover and exhibitionist, I find it thrilling to do public nudes. I find it exciting and exhilarating to sneak real quick or shock and appall unsuspecting onlookers with brazing nudity during photo shoots. I have done a few public nudes, but i think it was more apparent yesterday in Coney Island with Chip Willis and Aeric MG than all the other times. Does a Kink have to produce a sexual release or can it just be something that makes your heart pound with delight?






Robert Szatmari


Robert Szatmari


Robert Szatmari

WDR- What can't he do!

Bill Reichardt AKA WDR/Tsubasa is a jack of all trade artist's.
He's out of Atlanta, He doesn't really consider himself a Photographer, He excels at
Digital and 3D imaging,Animation, Concept building, set design, Fashion and wardrobe stylist,Shubari, makeup artist, video editing, musician, music composer....Oh and he knows how to shoot an image that he dreams up in order to make it all come alive and share as a visual for the rest of us to enjoy.
His accolades go on and on....

I contacted Bill back in 2005, could be earlier, It was his digital work that really caught my eye, he calls himself Tsubasa for that part of his work.
He is one of the only artist that will pretty much come up with entire concepts for his models, and all they have to do is show up. this takes a lot of work out of it for me, i kinda get to just sit back and have fun with it.
I have gone to ATL several times to work with Bill, and every time i get something unique.

I consider myself lucky to have met and become distant friends with Bill, He always opens up his home, and treats me with the up most respect, takes me to Waffle House every time i come to visit, since i don't have a local one in my area ;)
gives up his bed and takes the couch.
and sends me home with prints and a cd FINISHED before i depart for take off.

HE IS WAY BEYOND CREATIVE,
BILL YOUR THE BEST!
















































some other links to his work
Tsubasa
WDR

Flirt

George Pitts

It recently occurred to me that I have never been a flirt or flirted...

When I think about all my past relationships and how they began or even the 1st words, the first glance, the 1st interaction, I never flirted.

When i was a preteen i use to sit in the back of the school bus with all the boys.
I would hear the locker room like talk about how this girl and that girl was said to be a tease. somewhere along the lines I think i confused being a "Tease" with flirting. Or that flirting would possible give the wrong impression and or a bad reputation, and possibly put me in predicaments that i would regret, like date rape or some crazy shit. I don't think I understood that one could flirt and not be considered a whore or fast. It was best just to avoid that sort of behavior and attention all together.

When I was about 15 I moved to Somerville Ma, and left all of my local friends were back in Boston. My mom use to own a CB radio home base station. she wasn't using it anymore, so i took it and put it in my room, and I grounded the antenna to a popcorn tin lid. I started to listen, and eventually started to make friends in the area who also chatted on the CB airwaves. even when I met guys on there that i would wind up going on a date or two with, I still never flirted.

I was just told that pretty girls don't flirt, but I'm almost certain i have seen loads of pretty girls flirt with my own eyes.

I take notice of people that flirt, some people flirt endlessly with everyone.
My Boyfriend is a flirt, and somehow thinks that it's cute personality trait. Though it may be harmless, it bothers me.
I see it as a way of gaining confirmation/ affirmation and finding short spurts of self validation by flirting and seeing if others will find him worthy to flirt back.
And just how far will it go... I mean your throwing a fishing line out there, what do you do if you catch a fish? Your forced to make a decision to keep it for dinner or throw it back in, right?
It shows intentions to a degree. An intention that makes me un comfy.

Part of me want's to know if I missed out by not flirting? And even if I wanted to start flirting now, i feel like an idiot to even attempt. like I would do it wrong or something. I'm so matter a fact and straight forward that It's not in my nature to beat around the bush, no pun intended ;)

I guess if i really need to there is always this lovely book avail.