Getting Older or Just perhaps getting Better?

George Pitts



Kencedible






Wolf189


I feel like i am at the peak of my modeling right now, either that or it's just that a flood of new work is coming in as fast as i can pose for it.
I'm 38 1/2 this month. and i have been modeling steady since 2002.

I'm pleased to say that i am working with George Pitts currently towards some work that will hopefully be included in his book project that is 10 years now in the making for Taschen publications, subject of the project is Mature Women.
as far as the numbers go i def fall into the Mature Women category.
This is a big deal.

I also feel as though I'm making breakthrough in work that feels like it's holding more substance for me personally. I really wanted to embrace more erotic work, and try to let go some of the hangups i have about sexuality and my body. Yes i am a nude model, but a model that poses nude with lots of boundaries, I want to be able to find a happy medium of being able to push my boundaries and still respect myself.
To be able to see myself in situations i may not have been so comfy with previously, The urge to grow and stretch and not judge myself so harshly.

Kencredible and i did a quick shoot recently, i posted one of many of the shots that felt fell into this new category. I think he may be working on needing some of the same images that i am trying to create as well, maybe for diff reasons, but non the less i love this shot the most. it's sexy, erotic and yet not vulgar.


Wolf189, the awesome shots fall away from this guy like an infestation of fleas!
that's all....

Some Closure

Michael Alan Goldberg

Last Year I found one of my half siblings thanks to the power of search engines of the web.
I sent him an email, telling him that i was related to him, and that we shared the same biological father.
I then received an auto out of the office reply that included his cell #. and also a read recipt that stated his assistant had received the email.
Just to be safe, I sent a text to his phone saying, that his assistant received an email that i sent him about us being related, and i wanted to make sure he got it. and if he did get it, to text me back the #1 if he wasn't interested, and #2 if he never got it.

The last thing i want to do is impose on anyone.

He sent me a reply saying that he was considering the note and will get back to me.
I replied, " Completely understandable"

This had taken place in Aug 2008.

So as I am driving back home with Jelly in my lap from the recent vet appointment, I get a text from someone in another area code, that i had not programmed any contact info for. saying" I'm in town for business on Monday, If i can arrive on Sunday will you be avail for dinner"?
I have no idea whom it is until i scroll upwards to read the previous messages which was almost a year ago, and realize it's my half brother!

I had gone from a day that i was balling my eyes out through the majority of the day, from anxiety over Jelly's new found heart condition, Which by the turned out to be better than expected.

The thought of finally meeting and being acknowledged by a side of my bio family for the 1st time in 38 years of my life was a little overwhelming and unexpected to say the least.

I responded "YES i can be avail, let me know the details when you get them"

a little back round info here that is crucial to this story.
My mother was a call girl in the 70's before and a little after my birth.
My father was head of the Chinese mafia and a FreeMason.
He was a married family man with 3 legit kids, and strayed a lot.
He never actually recognized me. He knew about me, but never felt the need to take any responsibility, in fact i confronted him when i was 17, he asked me to pay for my own blood test. I refused, and was offended, he had never given me a red cent, and expected me to pay for a paternity test. Granted the FBI was up his ass around the time that i approached him. but still....

After the years passed, all i really wanted to know was if i should be on the look out for any family illnesses on his side, and possibly what was he like, what kind of a man was he. what did i biologically inherit from him, what traits if any?

My brother was finally giving me this opportunity, i almost had not had a chance to brace myself for it.

Saying "Brother" seems so foreign to my mouth. but a word i always wanted to say.
I always wished i had a brother to look out for me, protect me, etc.....

He told me to pick my favorite restaurant or a place I always wanted to go to.
I didn't want to pick an overly extravagant place. I didn't want to give the wrong message.
Perhaps the message that I wanted something or anything. I wasn't looking for finance or an overly chummy relationship.
I had zero expectations.
However i was completely sweaty palm nervous.
Then i think, what was he expecting? what was going through his head?
As a man it's not unusual to find out your father was not faithful.
but i could have been any nut job, he was really taking a risk as well.

I already knew what he looked like from my search last year and a corporate head shot that was posted.
So when he arrived at the restaurant, i knew it was him right away.
He's about 10 years older than me.
He was tall, Asian, well dressed, well educated, successful trial lawyer.
he greeted me with a smile and a hug, and a nice compliment on my appearance.
We sat down, and i told him i was really nervous.
the conversation was almost seamless. it opened with a beginning of sorts, an introduction, that was mostly about our parents to the current on goings to just about getting to know each other a little.
I learned that his children were never really deprived from the luxuries in life other than a fathers attention. He was a provider, but really never there to nurture them. And that he is alive and well and healthy. No illnesses to date.
the one thing my brother and i have in common aside from our father is our love of food and travel.

We left it casual, we know how to contact each other in the future, and will prob keep loose contact over the web.

I'm actually still digesting the whole experience.
My life is very rarely boring, and always full of surprises.

My baby

I'm in an emotional state of mess and anticipation, expecting the worse.


This is Jelly, She is one of my 3 dogs, she is the middle one, she's 9.
She is undoubtedly my favorite, I know it's in bad taste to say you have a favorite, but shes so needy and up my ass, i couldn't really help it, she has such human like traits and characteristics that you would have to see in person to believe.












I dropped Jelly off at the Vet this morning, for her dental appointment.
shes been coughing excessively lately, when she gets excited, or active, or just all the time.
She also has a thyroid condition that she is on meds for, so they make her a tad hyper, and very youthful too.

They called me 20 mins after i dropped her off and told me that she had a heart murmur, and that in conjunction to the cough they suspect heart disease and want to delay the teeth cleaning and do chest X-rays instead, and not risk putting her under anesthesia until they know what is going on.
and that she may have a heart valve problem that she may need an ECG Echo Cardiogram later for. she will most likely be on heart pills.
Aside from the Expense that this is going to cost me. I'm majorly upset that i may have to put her through some rough medical procedures. My other 2 have medical issues as well.
I know I'm jumping ahead of myself before i even get a concrete diagnosis but i somehow can't help it when it comes to my babies.

All i have to say to people that know me is , BUT IT'S JELLY, and they understand.
She sleeps in my crotch nightly, we call it the "Womb position", that is how close we are.
i almost think we would die of heartbreak if we were separated.

We Just Click

Literally and Metaphorically.



















I adore how Wolf makes me feel good to be in my own skin, and perform in front of the lens to my highest and most graceful potential.
He compliments and praises me along the way in the most polite way.
The relationship between the subject and the photographer is a very delicate thing.
I can easily be turned off from a shoot if praised or nudged in the wrong direction.
He gives me very little direction, which makes me feel that I am doing almost everything correct.
He knows what angles to shoot, as if he see's my vision when I hold a pose.
I respect and adore him and his work immensely.
On top of it all he's like hanging out with a friend and just chatting away, He's quick and efficient and travels light.
the work he turns out is almost guaranteed to be timeless and gorgeous.
Oh yeah, and he only shoots film, and if your looking for photo shopped perfection, you looking in the wrong place. what ever the camera shoots is what your getting.

you can view his work and read his blog

Wolf I'm so glad i made it to your Best of List, or else I would never have had the pleasure.

Giving back - Paying it forward

Lately, I find it necessary to keep myself reminded how lucky and or fortunate i am, and making sure i try to give back a little where i am able to.

I feel fortunate to have the dogs with assorted health problems.
I love them so much, it's indescribable.
I decided that this year instead of taking a vacation off to some island or some chic city, to go somewhere that is driving distance where my 3 dogs are welcome.
Last year they got to play on a beach for the 1st time in their little city dog lives. It was a picture of complete bliss, and natural freedom. They deserve to feel that freedom and connect with nature again.
So i booked a rental in the forest of Woodstock NY. It's only a 4 hour drive from home. They will be able to be off the leash safely and roam about and explore and sniff till they can't stand it anymore. I'm looking forward to this trip in July more than anything. I plan on taking lots of video.

I also did a shoot with a college student at the Art institute, who is working on his lighting. I can't use any of the images, but i like to give back when i have the time. it's a lot easier to get what you want when your subject understands what you are trying to achieve as well. I think he did well.

When i was doing the workshop last month, there was an aspiring photographer that was having many technical issues with his camera, I was determined to make sure he got his money's worth, and kept at it and helped with trouble shooting, and trying new conditions till he got a decent lit shot. Sometimes people just need a little patience and understanding, and to not feel rushed. I don't think most models would care either way to help out an amateur.

I donated a few of my pet portraits to the City Kitty auction. I heard they sold.

It's really important for humanity and inner self prosperity to give back when you can. Sure it feels good to give, but it feels better to know your making a difference even if small for another living beings happiness.

Inked

I got my 1st tattoo when i was about 24, a tiny skeletal dragon taken from an Ed Hardy poster.


Corwin Prescott

and my 2nd when i was 26, another Ed Hardy dragon with more detail.


Lori Mann

I have been wanting to have some background design for a few years so that my dragon was no longer free floating.

I had mentioned it a few times to Tim Kern, Famous Tattoo artist.
I recently decided to stop procrastinating.
I set a date, and had orig asked Emily Wong to come up with a design along the lines of something ornate and Asian.
This is a Piece Emily was working on of me already, for her class.

Called Swan Lake

Emily Wong

this is the final design Emily came up with for me

Emily Wong

I loved it, but it wound up looking better on paper, than it would have aesthetically on my flesh, the weight of it would have been too grounded for my hips and waist.
She worked really hard on it, and though she has never designed at tattoo for anyone, she got a good number or request from people watching the progress, to design a tattoo for them.
I felt guilty not using it, but I think it was good practice for her.

Tim is a world famous tattoo artist, He's tattooed about 27 Suicide Girl models and I guess now that makes 28. He's also done tattoo work for movies, Namely Charlie Kaufmans, Syndecdoche, New York
Tim works in Japan from time to time, and he shot some lovely cherry blossoms during the bloom, It's quite a special event in Japan, it doesn't last long, He made some initial sketches and we would up revising them on the day of my arrival, He worked from his own photographs of the bloom, and sketched on my back for about 3 hours in marker.
I originally didn't want my entire back covered, i wanted to stay on one side with a slight bleed past the spine. but when i saw his initial sketches i realized it was really possible to get the desired organic feel with those limitations.
He would take pictures of my back at various stages of the drawing and the actual needle work.

Tim Prepping the awesome tattoo chair/tables




after a the first round of ink

Tim Kern

I left after 4 hours of Needle work,
I go back in June for the Blossom color, I think i was a big baby, I winced and gripped the entire time, i had planned on taking some over the shoulder self ports while he was working, but for me the pain was too much to actually work my camera and let go of the death grip i had on his gorgeous chairs.
And I know he was being as gentle as he could possibly be.
I'm quite happy with it, It's gorgeous, My mom really loved it too. My Boyfriend Ant was a little upset that he wasn't clear that i was actually getting the work done on that day, until i called and said i missed my train back and i was still on the table.
I think he wanted to make sure i wasn't making a mistake and it fit my frame and personality. After it was all said and done, I think he actually likes this design and can see the craftsmanship in the work that was done.


Tim Kern

I'm really lucky, Tim is well booked into the future and rarely takes new clients.
He's now a part of me forever.
Thank you Emily and Tim for being awesome artist's and sharing your craft with the outside to appreciate.

Part II of When it Rains It Pours

Alien Life
So Needless to say i have been in the thick of creative overflow lately.

Shooting, Traveling, Lectures, Photo walks and Workshops.

A few images from my last trip to NY
by Alien Life




A quick trip to Atlanta to work with WDR Photography again, i think this was my 4th time.




I did a Presentation for a Photo class on My self Ports from 1984 to Present
and one of my Food Photography as well.










Self ports by Tanya Dakin

Did a Photo walk with my Flickr Friends and am mentoring a new model.




Bryce Gibson

Did an awesoem 2 day workshop with 15 photographers and 5 other great models at an old steel Mill




By Teknari
and was voted Best Wardrobe and one of the favorites to work with.


So, Yeah i guess i can breath when I'm dead or i guess sleep ...
Trip to Vegas/LA is this month as well.
I think i start my new Tattoo this saturday, Fingers Crossed!